Jump Jump Jump

 JUMPING OFF A CLIFF COULD BE A VERY BAD IDEA.... but then again, if you land in soft growth or maybe a deep ocean jetty could be kind of fun. Either way, you jump and what lies at the bottom is unknown because you've never jumped here before, and it is dark, black of night without a moon, dark. All you know is the thrill is pounding through your body like a young boy about to get his first buck with an arrow, kind of thrilled. Or better, your first gigantic rollercoaster that you have to be at least 52" to ride. Yeah, that kind of thrill.

I have jumped a lot recently, blindly going where I am uncertain about what will happen next. I jumped in therapy and so far it is really helping to ground me. I had, since starting with AM, only one explosive moment in over a month. Go me! 

I jumped with marriage therapy going a totally different direction and saying less not more. Forcing Don to participate more instead of less. And so far, it is working, just a little.

I jumped back into school at a known huge financial impact, but got in to a graduate program that is reasonably priced and will give me the credentials to do so much more with the later part of my life. A financial, emotional, and physical freedom that I wish I had done so much earlier, but am here now and thankful for this moment and opportunity. 

I jumped with fighting back against a lie, undeserved persecution, and may not have come out ahead in that battle, but I feel good about my approach, my words, and the considerations. The best part, Don jumped in with me, supporting me. A first.

So, jumping is not always a bad thing.

Today, I am jumping into getting back to the routine of out of bed by 5:00 a.m. so that I can take care of all the things I need and want to do. I am jumping back into more regular writing, my time with my kids (we played Clue a lot this weekend and it was a ton of fun), taking over some things I gave up. I am not the only one that should be allowed freedoms in my own home, so that is going to change too.

I like what and who I once was more than who and what I am the last few years. So, I am channeling backward to move forward.

You Might Kick Me When I'm Down, but I Never Stay Down

Some days raising boys, being a wife, working and everything that comes with all three of those different titles just makes me want to grab the whiskey, remote, blanket, and suck the world night-night. Seems lately there are more of those days than not.... BUT .... and this is the interrupt your thoughts kind of but... then I realize there is magic even if the most difficult and challenging of circumstances.

For example, little man Z, who is not little, had the roughest day in months, years in fact, today. He felt the world was crashing down upon him and that everyone was against him. Through it I was able to connect with him, make him smile just a little, and get him talking. And his heart returned to normal.

Don's C has caused so many issues and disruptions around the house, and in our marriage, but because we were letting him create the rules and run the show. Tonight I reminded him that he wouldn't have his friends, this community, this life if it weren't for Z and me. That if he wants things good his games will stop, and he'll play by the rules as set between his Dad and me. I don't think this will last long, but in the end it is a battle worth fighting until the fight is literally knocked out of me.

There is so much happening and so much to be thankful for, but the Devil lives in the crevices of the world around us constantly grabbing our ankles as we wander past and through. It is how we shed ourselves of his intrusions. How we control our responses to the drama. I am far from a perfect example of how to make this happen each and every day. I don't know anyone that is a great example as a whole human being. But that is why God created a multitude of people and experiences to come in and sometimes out of our lives. It is through each experience, each interaction, that we walk away with more knowledge and power on how to beat the Devil himself, or how to succumb to his dastardly ways. In the end I know I will "win" the Devil's game and beat him despite the rough and exhausting journey. It is here that the greatest rewards are received... never give up, never give in, and never ever lose your spirit (or sense of humor).

Exhausted, unmotivated, but still alive and kicking the Devil in the teeth each and every day.
Thank you friends, family, and all the support people in our lives for making each day rich.

The Writer in Me

I love writing. I will write about anything, anytime, and any place. That's been me since I was a kid. Escaping into the world of make believe was my salvation as a child and seems to be a place of solace as I've aged into my forties. Only as I've gotten older it is less about the world of my imagination and more about what I've learned along this journey called life.